The Diaper

Let me preface this story by explaining to you that my brother is........well........a little bit of a sissy when it comes to what comes out of the "other" end of a baby. I halfway think it is the entire reason that he does not have kids himself........he is THAT grossed out by the idea of even getting a glimpse of it.

When I had Stephanie, my brother lived with us for a little while until he got on his feet. Ron and I took every opportunity possible to call him into a room when Steph had pooped in her diaper and waited until he got a whiff of it.....then laughed until we cried at his gag reflex which would kick in automatically. It was funny. So funny that we did it over and over and over again.

Once that lost it's amusement factor, we moved on to trying to make him actually see it. This was way more tricky....but we did accomplish our goal on more than one occasion. He would run from the room devastated and close to being physically sick. We peed our pants laughing at him each time.

That brings me to the story below. Bubba wrote it a few years ago about his first experience with a poopie diaper. I can't read it because it makes me laugh so hard that my head starts to hurt. I can still remember the frantic phone call like it was yesterday. So here it is.....the diaper story. Enjoy:

I was a new uncle.

Stephanie had been introduced into this world and with her came an education into life that I will never forget. Learning how to hold a small baby and nurture her with affection was something I had never really experienced, or cared to, until she came smiling into my life. I never understood the meaning of "new baby smell" until I found myself spending minutes just breathing her wonderful fragrance into me. I think its natural to wonder what kind of parent you would be, and if my time as an uncle is any indication, I think I will do just fine. Of course, the loving came natural, it was the responsibilities of uncle hood that challenged me.

My training complete.

My sister had recently included me on some of the finer points of baby care. I learned quickly the skills of changing "pee-pee" diapers and bottle heating. It all made sense, I mean, it felt natural. There were rules and little tricks to make things easier along the way. Like giving Stephanie her favorite toy to play with while she is on the changing station so she doesn't fuss so much. Afterall, the origami diapers already require enough focus, no need to complicate things with a squirmy toddler. And if a toy isn't working, silly songs and faces can help calm the kicking legs. Once the baby is calm, you undress her and tear away the diaper. This of course is made easier with the "two legs in one hand" move, which to this day amuses me in its simplicity. You know the move, grab both ankles with your non-dominant hand and lift the little baby legs straight up. This move helps you acquire proper elevation of the baby-butt, effectively allowing you to easily perform all necessary diaper changing functions; area cleansing, diaper removal and diaper replacement. The order here was important too, I was quickly taught that if you left the dirty diaper in place while you wiped the hiney you could drop the dirty wipes into the dirty diaper and make once nice and compact "diaper burrito". All the while maintaining your "two legs in one hand" move you could quickly slide the new diaper in place, release the legs and perform "diaper origami". Your diaper maintenance cycle is now complete and play time can resume. I felt my confidence grow as I learned the finer points in baby care, little did I know that my training would hardly prepare me for one of the most horrifying moments in my life.

My orders received.

Ronnie (brother-in-law) and Andy (sister) needed my help watching the newly-born miracle as they were away at a doctors appointment. I accepted this mission and felt an overwhelming sense of pride that I was deemed worthy enough to care for my niece, alone. Sure, there was a little apprehension, but I was quickly reassured that the appointment wouldn't be more then an hour or so. Ready to put my new training to the test, I agreed and actually found myself looking forward to some one on one time with precious little babyhead. There were a few details that were laid out, she would need a bottle, and there was the chance that the appointment would run long in which case I would need to put the little baby to bed. And of course, if a diaper got messy I would have to change it. Out of all the details, the only one that made me nervous was the potential for the dreaded solo "poopie-diaper". I had changed plenty of "pee-pee" diapers on my own and even helped my sister out on a couple of poopie ones. Just simple stuff like handing her wipes or carrying the dirty diaper outside to the garbage. I knew from my limited exposure that I was not prepared for a poopie diaper, sure I smiled while assisting, but underneath I hurled in revolt and suppressed gags. Poopie diapers scared me.

The day had come.

Andy left really detailed instructions on how to care for my precious little babyhead and I felt ready. My biggest concern at this point was to provide as comfortable and fun a time as I possibly could for my young niece. Andy went over the instructions and asked if I had any questions. With the formalities out of the way her and Ron prepared to leave the house. Just before parting Andy informed me that today was my lucky day, babyhead had just recently made a poopie diaper and Ronnie had changed it. This came as a huge relief, it appeared that I would not have to face my greatest enemy today, yes, lucky indeed. They soon left, and I was quickly entertaining my precious babyhead.

Something isn't right.

I understand now why God made babies so cute, we as adults are naturally drawn to their yummy faces and edibles bellies. It's natures way of ensuring that our young don't go without attention for too long. I realized this lesson as I dove in nose first for some soft baby body and was accosted by a horrid smell. I paused for quite some time, looking back I'm not sure if it was the shock of the smell or the realization that this was not simply the product of a fart, probably a little bit of both. Suddenly I snapped out of my confused state and remembered my training. Step 1, get the baby to the changing station, "Oh GOD why does this smell burn my nose!". Step 2, now that the baby is on the station remove clothing, "Ok, holding my breath seems to help, I wonder how fast I can change this thing."

Suddenly the reality of what I was about to do hit me, I was facing the dreaded solo poopie diaper, my worst fear was now realized. I considered for a moment leaving my niece in her condition and when my sister returned simply feign ignorance and say something like "Wow, she must have JUST pooped!" But I felt a tinge of guilt imaging my niece staying soiled for what could be over another hour. Besides, if Stephanie stayed soiled that meant I couldn't get close to her and that meant no more baby loves.

I would have screamed.

But that would have meant letting go of my breath. Step 2 should have been as simple as unsnap babies jumper, unsnap babies onesy and perform the "two legs in one hand move". I had just unsnapped the jumper and pulled it down when I nearly lost my dinner. We had leakage. Something had horribly malfunctioned in the diaper department. The primary seal between the leg and the diaper had malfunctioned and we were now experiencing toxic contamination. I don't quite remember which happened next, it was all a flash, but in the next two seconds I did the following in some undetermined order; I panicked and I gagged. I had no idea what to do next. Was this grounds for a bath? Do I strip the baby clean and get her to a tub? What do I do with a soiled onesy? Where do I even find a new onesy around here? Oh god, I need to breathe again, GAG.

Forget your training.

I sat there stunned for a minute, turning my head away from the destruction hoping the few inches in distance I gained would prevent the smell as I breathed in, I was wrong. In between gags and breaths I was trying to think of the next logical step and the only thing I could come up with was call my sister. Luckily she picked up pretty quickly and I could hear some concern in her voice. I explained the traumatic situation to her and awaited her response, which I admit I was not prepared for. She laughed. "Wow, outside her onesy Bubba? She's never done that for us before, you must be lucky." Somehow the humor escaped me at the moment, but looking back on it now and having some insight to mine and Stephanie's relationship, it was quite fitting.

Andy bailed me out and gave me all the instruction I needed to tackle this dilemma. I regained my composure and set to work quickly. It didn't help with the smell much but I tucked my nose under my shirt, surprisingly enough Stephanie found this entertaining enough to let me start cleaning her. A few gags and a couple of minutes later I had a cleaned up baby with a fresh onesy and a new diaper.

Hiney hindsight.

I mentioned before that in retrospect this event is quite fitting for mine and Stephanie's relationship, let me explain. I love my babyhead and will do anything for her in this world, including cleaning up one of the most explosive poopie diapers in history. However, we both share an affectionately evil streak filled with teasing and joking. There have been many a times I have been yelled at for going a little overboard on my affections, "NO UNCLE BUBBA!" However, now as I think back on this day, this single event serves as a reminder of the very first time my sneaky little babyhead got one over on me, and I loved every minute of it.

Single digits

Hmmmmm.........it's very dark in here.

Wait.

Is that a tiny little speck of light that I see at the end of this really looooooooooooooooong tunnel that I have been in for the last 4 1/2 years???

Yep. It sure is.

I have been going to college for my Business Management degree for so long that I can hardly remember a time when I WASN'T going to school on top of working on top of having a family on top of everything else that life brings on a daily basis.

I think I must be nuts to be doing this at this point in my life, but I just couldn't see myself getting anywhere without that all-important piece of paper in my hand to prove whatever it is that a degree proves to people.

I think it proves that I am a raging IDIOT for taking on so much at once.........or the fact that I can start a project and still be doing it 4 1/2 years later, so I must have persistence........or that I must be really good at multi-tasking. Or something.

So, at the beginning of it all I had like 700 classes I had to take (actually, it was closer to 40 but it has FELT like 700). I always thought, "Man will it be cool when I get into the single digits".

Well........not including the class that I am currently taking which is over in 4 short weeks I officially have 9 classes left.

I have made it into the single digits.

Yes, I am happy about that, it is for sure a great milestone in my schooling........but these last 9 classes will take a year and a half to complete. So I am not exactly THERE yet......but I can see the end.

And thank goodness because I was beginning to get that itch......you know......the one where money and a career really don't matter and I could learn to be happy working at the Burger King.

Yep..................thank goodness for that little tiny light. I don't think I would look good in a paper hat.

Jellystone - Part 4 + good news + bad news

So....to wrap up Jellystone I will leave you with these two pictures:

Oh, and this one of Corinne in a size 3T Pull-Up. Jen and Corinne were playing mommy and baby and Jen made her walk around in this thing ALL DAY!!! Too funny.......

Onto the good news first.

Remember when I mentioned that I got one of my layouts published in the ezine Scrapbook News and Review? Well, I was wrong. I got 6 picked! And they made me one of the Reader Spotlights for the month! It was all so very exciting. Then they sent me over the edge and asked me to be a part of their team. I am absolutely stoked and so excited to join!!!

Now onto the bad news portion of this story.

My older brother (and my only sibling) has accepted a position in Washington state and will be moving away from PA in just about a month. Ron and I are really sad about this and will miss him and his fiance alot.

I mentioned it to Stephanie tonight to prepare her for it a bit, and her reaction was pure Steph......she got very quiet for a minute and then started asking practical questions. Why is he moving? How many minutes away will he be? Will we see him again?

Once I answered those questions for her she was quiet again....thinking it over. Then she said, "I don't want Bubba to move away". I said, "Me neither. What will you miss the most?"

This is where I expected to hear things like: I will miss going to the Renaissance Faire with him, or I will miss him buying me cool toys, or I will miss him taking me to fun places......

Nope.

She said: "I think I will just miss HIM the most."

Yep. Me too, Steph.

Jellystone - Part 3

The Strasburg Railroad was only about 20 minutes from the campsite, so we took a day trip up there to see the sites and ride the train. It was our first trip there ever...and it was HOT outside. We rode the coach car, put the windows down, and sat back and enjoyed the 45 minute ride to Paradise, PA and back. We saw lots of corn fields, cows, and horse and buggies. The farmland in Lancaster County is just beautiful!

When we got back to the railroad we did a little souvenir shopping in the stores, got some homemade fudge (cookie dough fudge is TO. DIE. FOR. I'm just saying......) and some lemonaide, and made our way back to the pool at the campground to cool off.

A few shots from the day:

Ummmm......can I possibly BE any more freckly?? Is that even a word??? Well.... if it's not, it should be, cause dang am I extremely freckly in this picture!!!! :)

OK......I think I have one final post and a few final pictures left to share. Stay tuned for episode #4.......................

Jellystone - Part 2

Here we are.........onto part 2.

Onsite at Jellystone they had this:



And this:




We spent LOTS of time just chilling out by the pool and water slide. Hours and hours. It was tons of fun for the kids (and yep the big kids....aka Ron and I.....had fun, too) and the best thing about it was it wore the kids out. Good and tired, just the way I like them when the winey's come out!


Jen has no fear what-so-ever of water....she just jumps right in and swims around like a little baby fishy.....and opens her eyes underwater despite me begging her not to. Cute little site to see.....I just wanna squeeze that baby hiney when it is poking out of the water!!!!!

Just for you Colleen.......a pic of moi. :)

Reenie going down the red slide..........

My little good swimmer. Steph loves the water more and more every year. Just 2 years ago we couldn't get her to go near a pool....now we can't get her to come out! She still has a little trepidation about the deep end of a pool, but this year she tried more and more to get past that. The great thing about the pool here was that the entire thing was 3 feet 6 inches deep and Steph could touch the bottom all over. She made a few little friends and off she went......we didn't see her much, we only saw flashes of a very pale kid running past us in a stretched out bathing suit bottom that was dangerously close to coming off. As a matter of fact, Corinne and I saw a little bit of Stephanie hiney when she was standing under the water fall. Cutest thing didn't even know it was down so far. Oh to be 6 and clueless again..............

Another fun thing that the kids got to do was mine for rocks and gems. They each got a bag of red dirt and went to town dumping it into the wire boxes and sifting until the dirt was gone and all that was left were really cool rocks and such. Pretty neat idea and they had fun.....so it was a winner! They were given a pamphlet to try and identify their rocks when all was said and done so I guess it was sort of educational, too. Yep. Gotta educate these darn spoiled kids!!!! hee-hee






Any diamonds in there Steph??????

There's those baby fingers again. OOOOOHHHHHH....anyone have any syrup????

OK....that's it for part 2. More pics to come in my next post.............................................



:)

Jellystone - Part 1

We just got back from spending 5 days camping at Yogi bear's Jellystone Park in Quarryville, PA. The park is only about 45 minutes away from home and there is so much to do there, the time seemed to fly!

The day before we left a strange kid followed us home so we took her with us (actually, it was our 14 year old niece Corinne).

Of course, the girls had a great time and didn't want to leave. Personally, 5 days was a bit long for me, I missed my bed and my own shower.

Oh, and fast food.

We had a few "issues" on this trip. Mainly lots of whining and crying and Jen saying "I wanna be a GOOD girl" every time we had to correct her or tell her to be nice. Sleeping arrangements the first night were: me and Ron in one bunk and Corinne, Steph and Jen in the other. We quickly realized that was NOT a good idea since Ron, Corinne and I stayed up late into the evening playing board games and the girls were up and at each other's throats at 6 AM the next morning.

Needless to say, Steph spent the other 4 nights bunking on the third bed (the dinette converts into the perfect size bed for her) so that we could keep them seperated. The rest of the trip we got to sleep in until at least 8 or 9 AM. Perfect.

The weather tried to cooperate with us...it really did....but we got caught in more than one downpour. I didn't mind getting soaked when we were already in our swimming suits....it was the complete water dump when we were trying to cook dinner on the grill one night that got a *tiny* bit annoying. Of course it stopped raining as soon as the burgers were done. Yep, of course. The rest of the time it was sunny and beautiful. And hot. Thank goodness for the AC in the pop-up. A big shout out to Ronnie for having the best idea EVER when he bought and installed that thing......it's a lifesaver.

On our first day there we arrived at about 4 PM, unpacked and set up camp, made dinner, played Bingo at the pavillion (I won $12!!!), and went to the Ranger Station for some ice cream.

After that.....the trip is a blur.

Here are some shots at bingo the first night:

Look at these baby fingers (Jen's).......I could just put some syrup on them and EAT THEM UP!!!!

Here's a shot of that strange kid that we picked up with Jenny on her back. The girls really loved having Corinne (aka meanie-reenie) on the trip with us. They love her so much, and....well......Ron and I kinda do too. She is welcome on any future trips that we may take....as long as she leaves her cell phone at home and stops texting for 6 seconds.

Dang is she pretty.

The girls meeting up with Yogi bear at the ranger station. They also saw Boo-Boo bear but I didn't get a pic of it. Can you imagine that I DIDN'T get a pic of it!!!!!!!!!! :)

During the trip there were tons of activities going on. They had an arcade attached to the ranger station that had a Deal or No Deal game. I won 75 tickets. GO ME!!! One evening they showed a movie on a huge screen on the grassy open space. We took our chairs and blankets and watched Ice Age: The Meltdown under the stars. It was really cool (Jen stayed awake, Steph fell asleep, Corinne texted the entire time). Another evening we played candy bar bingo and Jennifer won 12 candy bars!!!! It was so cute watching her stand up and yell BINGO!!! Good thing she won too, cause we were running dangerously low on Hershey bars for smores by the fire. That would NOT be good as that is one of the major reasons I even drag my lazy behind on these exhausting trips. Smores = heaven.

Stephanie's favorite thing to do the entire trip was to ride the pedal cars. Jen tried it too, and watching them race downhill was enough to send me into fits of laughter.

Another favorite thing was riding around the entire campground on the golf cart for a few hours. We went and checked out the lake (which was covered in green stuff so we passed on fishing) and checked out all the other campsites. And the people at the campsites. And the HUGE RV's at the campsites. Makes our little pop-up look kinda silly............

I have TONS more to share but I am fighting a sinus infection and I think I need a nap. More details and pics to come in my next post..........

Happy (early) Birthday America!

Ick.

I was sick this week and am just now getting back to feeling a bit better.

Being sick is no fun.

You FINALLY get a day all to yourself......noone is home.....the house is empty and quiet......and all you do is sleep.

And when you aren't sleeping you don't want to do anything but go back to sleep.

Yep....that was 3 days of this week. But next week will be different.

Ron and I are on vacation for 10 straight days starting tomorrow (YAY!), and 5 of those days we will be on our 4th camping trip of the year. This time we are heading to Lancaster, PA to a campground called Yogi Bear's Jellystone National Park. It is a campground geared for kids and they built a brand new water park on-site this past May. It should be tons of fun if I can rid myself of the ick and if the weather holds up. Of course, pics will be posted very soon.

In other news, I submitted a few layouts to an online ezine called Scrapbook News and Review and I just found out that one of them was picked to be published! This is the first time that I have ever had anything published, so I am very excited! Here is a link to the site, please check it out:
http://www.scrapbooknewsandreview.com/joomla44/

I wish everyone a very happy 4th of July, enjoy the day!